Why I cried when I saw the Ka’ba?

In 2017, I went to Mecca to perform Omrah with my family. On the very first night after landing in Mecca, we went to Masjid Al Haram to perform Omrah right then and there. It was a short walk from the hotel to the Masjid. At this point I should mention that during my time of Omrah, I used to be a young devout Muslim girl. I strongly believed in the fundamentals of Islam and defended it with all my heart. If you are a Muslim, you can already understand my excitement as I neared the Masjid.

It was a dry and peaceful night. There was no wind and the wide clean streets of Mecca were blindingly bright like a day. I could feel my heart pounding as I neared the Masjid. I was happy and excited. Our group walked through the Masjid and after what felt like an eternity, we entered the central courtyard where the Ka’ba stood.

I still remember to this day how overwhelmed I felt when I first saw it. It was a childish fantasy coming true. I was baffled by its majestic and grand sight. I felt like I was witnessing something historically magnificent. All my life, I was told stories of Muhammad and his endeavors. I was told stories about Allah and how he is our ruler and protector. When I saw the Ka’ba, I felt connected. I felt that I was a part of something divinely grand and ethereal. I felt like I was witnessing a spectacular story unfold before me. My life suddenly felt purposeful and I felt like I was beholding a part of heaven on Earth. All the texts I read about Islam suddenly became true to me. I was so overwhelmed with ecstasy and joy that I broke down into tears in public.

But, the question is: why did I felt that way? Why do we feel so overwhelmed?

The answer is very simple. It is called “fan-girling”.

Yes, you might not have expected that, but it’s just a simple mechanism called “fangirl mentality” that made me so overwhelmed. You see, I used to idolize Allah. To me, Allah was my hero and my protector. I already had this pent up admiration and adoration and respect for this divine entity in my heart. Hence, when I came across the Ka’ba, which is supposedly called Allah’s house on Earth, my mind tricked me into thinking I was witnessing Allah himself. That’s why I was overwhelmed. That’s why I cried.

To understand this further, you can compare my experience with the experience of any fangirl. Here is another instance. In 2016, I became an Army. Any BTS fan will understand what an Army is. If you are not aware, Army is the name of the fandom who stan BTS, an extremely popular South Korean boy band group. I was so invested in them that whenever they cried, I cried with them, too.

I cried when J-hope cried on hid birthday while watching the video clip his family made for him. I cried when the boys pranked Jungkook on his birthday. I cried when they finally received the prestigious Daesung award. All of these experiences were similar to the experience I had when I saw the Ka’ba. In all of these instances, I was overwhelmed with joy and other emotions. I felt like I was witnessing something grand. I didn’t receive the Daesung, yet, I was proud. I didn’t see Allah, yet I thought I did. In fact, you can see multiple instances where fans going into a swoon at the sight of their favorite celebrity. Back when I used to be a Muslim, Allah was my celebrity. Now, not anymore. 

So all in all, religious experiences cannot be demonstrated as divine. So, before you bring in anecdotes of experiencing god, please, look for other explanations before jumping onto the conclusion that, it is god or it is something divine.